Curiously Exhausted Parenthood – The Blog

As a first time expecting mom, TikTok informed me of all the things I MUST buy to keep my precious infant alive. I am talking you HAVE TO HAVE the self-rocking crib, the baby monitor that will alert you of room temperature and if your baby is breathing faster or slower than their average, the bottle warmer and countertop washer (because your dishwasher obviously isn’t good enough) – you name it. And as my registry started to fill up with all this ~stuff~ and the final cost was totaling towards the tens of thousands, I had an epiphany: Sacagewea didn’t need any of this stuff.

I know, I know. I sound absolutely crazy. But picture this: Sacagewea leading Lewis and Clark to the Pacific Ocean and back baby-wearing her two month old, no Snoo or bottle warmer in sight. The absolute HORROR! How the hell did precious Jean Baptiste survive into adulthood without his Owlet sock! But, truthfully, how awesome is that: just Sacagewea and her boobs, minimal accessories, keeping this child alive during a pretty arduous journey (I personally kept walking to a minimum until month 3 to let my pelvic floor heal, but power to you girlfriend). She and her baby wearing even made it onto the dollar coin that I know for a fact every 90s baby reading this had as a collectable (and your mom probably kept it for you to this day). Even better yet, legend has it, everyone did get some sleep throughout the trip, even Sacagewea – without a sleep consultant!

The culture of consumerism has long been an issue, especially in the aftermath of social media, but it has a new prey: the anxiety of new moms who are just trying to do their best. I am also a victim of this, so I am not shaming you if this resonates. I can’t tell you how many product decisions I have made based off of some random, self-proclaimed, baby expert extraordinaire on TikTok or Instagram who is really really good at hiding the fact that you are watching an ad, but please order through their link for 2.634371% off and they definitely won’t be compensated. As my baby has gotten older and I am trying to slim down on the sheer number of things that I have that I don’t intend to use with my next baby, I have realized what an absolute schmuck I am.

I don’t really blame myself, though. Suddenly, in the last 5-10 years or so but definitely since the 2020s, being a “good mom” is an aesthetic. Your top dollar brands are now common place in a world where people are struggling to make ends meet and afford daycare because social media has brainwashed us to believe that being a good parent starts with material things. If you don’t have the newest and the best, you obviously are already failing your child – how selfish are you? Although Olivia Culpo and Hailey Bieber are millionaires, you obviously need to have the same products as them or else you are doing your child dirty before they are even born.

You know when I started to realize it is really a Ponzi scheme though? Strollers and carseats. Look into “parent companies” and “stroller dupes.” Nuna? Same parent company as Joie and Graco. Same safety guidelines. Different aesthetics and price ranges. Sure, you can argue that the fabric is nicer or you like the stroller features more (“this ride is so much smoother!” you exclaim to your husband as you push the stroller attached to the security alarm in a 2ft radius of a Target aisle). And, honestly, if you have the money and it really means that much to you, you do you girl. But, is the slightly smoother ride worth $1000-$1500 when they are made in the same factory and the down and dirty safety of the items is the same? I don’t know about that.

You know what’s even worse than strollers being marked up for “premium fabrics that are gentle on baby’s skin?” The products that prey on mother’s worst fears and anxieties. I see this constantly surrounding SIDS. “Get this bassinet/baby monitor/breathing band [that’s at least a couple grand right there btw] or else you are risking killing your baby in their sleep due to YOUR negligence.” I cannot tell you how many nights (okay, maybe just pockets of hours here and there) of precious sleep I lost watching my child breathe. And, truth be told, that’s normal as a first time parent. But, I truly believe that I wouldn’t have had such paralyzing anxiety about it if I wasn’t inundated with ads about products that use SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) to push their items. I’m not saying SIDS isn’t real or you shouldn’t be concerned about it and protecting your baby from it. But, statistically, since the Back to Sleep campaign in the mid-90s, SIDS rates have fallen TREMENDOUSLY and everything on the market has to meet specific safety standards regarding safe sleep. Literally in the decade since BTS was initiated (1994-2004), SIDS rates fell 50% (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3356149/) and today in America the likelihood of your child dying from SIDS is less than 0.001%. (https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/ask-the-pediatrician/Pages/are-some-babies-at-higher-risk-for-sids.aspx#:~:text=Although%20the%20overall,still%20much%20too%20high.)

Disclaimer: I don’t say this to minimize the potential or to say that SIDS isn’t serious, but I say that to reassure you that your choice of crib/baby monitor/wearable is not affecting your high-level risk if you are following safe sleep guidelines. Everything on the market meets the same safety criteria, whether it is $1 million dollars or twenty. And, please, don’t tell any mother of a 30-something-year-old this who put every single stuffed animal, crib bumpers, and blankets in their babies crib because they wanted their baby to be comfy, because they are going to have no freaking clue what you are talking about (hey, the pictures are pretty dang cute and my husband and I are still alive).

To add onto the culmination of all of this is the sheer amount of choices you have. Forget choosing between Nuna and Joie and Graco, add in Cybex and BabyTrend and MomPush, and while you are at it please compare and contrast the 100s of strollers made just by each individual brand for just one child that are only marginally different so you can find THE ONE. And don’t get me started on double strollers! Jokes aside, the decision fatigue is real. I distinctly remember taking weeks to pick out an ergonomic high chair that now my son religiously takes shits in like it is his own personal toilet/throne. The truth of the matter is, it is really hard to go wrong with anything that is on the market, generally, because they are go through the same product standards. Now this is not to say there are things you should probably pass on. A lot of the baby “containers” have been linked to torticollis, hip dysplasia, etc (even high-chairs!). I am not saying don’t do research. But, I am saying that talking to my mom about picking out baby products in the 90s involved maybe one or two catalogues and a trip to your nearest K-Mart where you were comparing what they had in stock, which was maybe 2-3 different high-chairs. And that seems a lot more attainable then doom scrolling at 3AM about a product that your child will decimate with stinky poopy. But TikTok definitely is going to make you feel like this is the penultimate decision that determines whether or not your child is going to get in to their chosen Ivy.

And the cherry on top of all of this? Ask my husband what brand of high-chair we have. I love the man to death, but he does not know (even if I told him again for the trillionth time). Why? Because it truly doesn’t matter the brand – it matters that he can put the baby in it while they eat (or just throw) food. The decision making fatigue of baby items falls on mom and it is just foreshadowing the mental load of what you will be carrying for the rest of your child’s life, because that’s our job: to worry and vet what our kids come in contact with. But, when I am on-call and my husband is the sole parent in the house, I come back home and everyone is alive. Did he use my black and white flashcards for mental enrichment or use the honey bear straw cup that I agonized over? Probably not. Is the house a wreck? Most definitely. But my baby is happy and healthy, and I promise you that yours will be too if you care enough to do all the research that you are doing.

Let me leave you with this: you are being a good mom by being caught up in the consumerism of it all, but don’t let it take over your life (or your pregnancy). It is all around, all the time, and it is hard to notice when you are getting sucked in because you are genuinely coming from a good place of doing what is best for your baby. But just know that you are enough, you will be enough, and your baby will be absolutely fine because they have YOU, no matter what gadgets or gear you procure for them and the spreadsheets you make comparing all the different things you “need” before baby comes.

Most of all, and I will ABSOLUTELY promise you this: they will poop and throw up on everything you buy them, no matter the price tag.

Let me know what you think in the comments below! See ya next time.